


Petty

by fabulousreaper



Category: Deus Ex: Mankind Divided
Genre: Because Fuck It, Bisexual Male Character, Jensen is just really dense, M/M, Vaclav is a gay, also iphones, featuring the starrkeisha cheer squad, not so subtle crushes, takes place before Dubai, this is absolute garbage, this is intended to be funny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-22
Updated: 2016-09-22
Packaged: 2018-08-16 09:03:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8096143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fabulousreaper/pseuds/fabulousreaper
Summary: After the third time listening to Vaclav hum, Jensen begins to recognize it as a distinct pattern. (AKA Vaclav gets the "petty" song stuck in Jensen's head, much to his displeasure)





	

**Author's Note:**

> I blame raphae11e for this. Also, if you're reading this I hope you know what you've done.

Vaclav Koller, compared to himself, had always been more cheerful of the two. Than again, you could compare a rock to Jensen and the rock would be ten times more dandy than he was. After all, the rock didn't have to deal with terrorists and augmented based discrimination on a regular basis. Must be nice. Anyways, it wasn't uncommon for Koller to hum while he was working. He never sang when Jensen was there, though, the most he had even done was that hushed type of singing when one wanted to but didn't want anyone to hear them. Normally the tune would be different each time, Jensen only half listening as he watched Koller work. But recently Jensen had noticed a specific and repeated pattern in Koller's humming. Normally he wouldn't have paid attention, not being in the field and having no reason to, but Koller hummed the tune so often that he couldn't help but notice. It was only after the third time Koller had kept humming it during one of his appointments did it start to bother Jensen. It didn't bother him in a way that the humming annoyed him, what bothered him was that he couldn't match it to anything he knew. He didn't listen to music that much, but with how often Koller hummed it Jensen figured that it would be a common tune. But apparently it wasn't anything that one would listen to on the radio or hear about on television.

He didn't realize how much of a problem his tune hunt was until Miller caught him scrolling through a rare music website on his phone during a meeting.

"Jensen, someone better be dead or dying because other than that you have no excuse to not be paying attention." Miller had said irritably.

Jensen looked up from his phone, seeing everyone else in the room staring at him. Some looked curious as to what he was doing, the rest were just glaring at him. Jensen quickly apologized and slipped his phone back into his pocket. He head someone snicker, but ignored it to avoid making an even bigger fool of himself.

* * *

The next time Jensen went to see Koller for a check up the mechanic had seemingly forgotten that he had let Adam in. Jensen figured this when the elevator doors opened and he saw Koller with his headphones on, singing and dancing in place. This was already peculiar to Jensen, never actually having seen Koller dance before. But what really got him was that the words Koller were singing happened to match the tune he had been humming for the past weeks.

_"My name Starrkeisha, yeah_

_And I'm the best, yeah_

_You know I'm petty, yeah..."_

The words were English, albeit heavily accented, Jensen wondering further why he hadn't been able to find it. Whether it be from fascination or amusement, Jensen didn't alert Koller to his presence. Instead, he found himself leaning against the door frame, watching Koller with a slight smirk. From the looks of it Koller was trying to follow a series of steps but was also adding his own spin to it. His own spin happened to be a bit provocative, to which Jensen didn't mind at all. He probably should have felt like a creep, but it was nice to see Koller like this. It was refreshing to see unadulterated happiness, considering that there seemed to be almost none left in the world.

Koller suddenly spun on his heel, probably intending to do a twirl but freezing when he saw Jensen watching. Jensen quickly pushed himself off the wall, them staring at each other as an uncomfortable silence fell over them. They stood there, just staring at each other before Koller groaned and buried his hands in his face.  

 "Fucking hell, Jensen!" He said, turning bright red.

Cute.

"Was I interrupting anything?" Jensen said casually, trying not to snicker.

Koller's blush deepened. "No! Good god, you should have said something!"

This time Jensen felt the corner of his lips twitch up. "You seemed to be enjoying yourself and I didn't want to ruin a good thing."

Koller rolled his eyes, thankfully ignoring Jensen calling him a "good thing." "How considerate of you."

Jensen made his way over to Koller, glancing to the phone that currently had Vaclav's headphones plugged into.  "If you don't mind me asking, what exactly were you listening to?"

Koller took his headphones off and let them hang around his neck. "Hm, oh this?" He took his phone out of his pocket, pulling up a video on YouTube. "It's called _The_   _Starrkeisha_   _Cheer Squad._ It was originally posted in 2016, but it recently became popular again. I'm surprised you haven't seen it."

"I don't get to spend a lot of free time on the internet." said Jensen. 

Koller shrugged. "Point taken. Well, it looks like you'll be seeing now because I'm going to show it to you!"

Jensen hesitated. "I don't know if we have enough time."

Koller laughed, Jensen totally not working to memorize the should. "It's only two and a half minutes! Our conversations last longer than those." Koller then stood in front of Jensen, folding his hands and giving him puppy eyes. "Please, Jensen! I will never forgive myself if I have to go through life know that I wasn't the one who showed you this."

Jensen maintained his poker face, but could feel his will crumbling from within. He and Koller had become closer lately (that tended to happen when someone regularly poked around inside your body parts) and Jensen, admittedly, considered him to be a friend. Though he feels like their relationship could be described as that one text post Koller told him about, which had said "we're friends but I'd fuck you if you asked" or something like that. Koller said that he thought it was funny, Jensen could only nod.

Jensen sighed. "Fine."

A marvelous smile bloomed on Koller's face before he started playing the video, standing close next to Jensen as they watched the tiny screen. The video quality was poor, but this wasn't surprising considering that the video was around twenty years old. As he watched the video he could practically feel Koller watching him intently, waiting for his reaction. to be honest, Jensen wasn't exactly sure what he was looking at. Several things stuck out to him; such as the blue wigs, cross dressing, the obviously fake background and references to some popular music. He recognized _Formation,_ it being a classic and all, but other than that he was at a loss. After the video was over Koller put his phone in his pocket and looked to Jensen excitedly. 

"So, what did you think?"

With the way Koller was looking at him, Jensen didn't want to disappoint. However, he had a difficult time understanding what he just saw. He knew that it was probably meant to be funny, but his sense of humor was...different. But still, he didn't want to disappoint Koller. Instead, he gave Vaclav a small smile. 

"It was...interesting, thanks for showing me." He said.

Koller's smile grew. "No problem! Now, about your augs..."

* * *

Jensen was back in his own apartment, trying to unwind from a long day. Well, unwind as best as he could, anyways. The local police had been riding his ass recently, some of them riding harder when they saw that he was an Interpol agent. It seemed that no matter where you were, city cops would always be assholes when they could be. He was waiting for some leftover Thai to eat up in his microwave when he started tapping his fingers on the counter. It was a subconscious action, but for some reason he was putting a rhythm to it. More specifically, the rhythm of the song that Koller had shown him. He stopped himself, only for the song to play in his head against his will. Shaking his head, he took his food out of his microwave and turned on his radio. Unfortunately, all that was on was incessant jabbering about politics and other things Jensen just didn't want to listen to. So, he settled for the song playing in his head, only trying a little to ignore it.

* * *

"Jensen, are you humming?"

Adam was brought out of his thoughts by Smiley, who had been telling him the basics of their new security system. Smiley was giving him a surprised yet confused look, his question sinking in. Had he been humming? He couldn't remember.

"I don't think so. Why?" Jensen asked.

Smiley gave him a once over, that expression still etched into his features. "Oh, nothing. I just didn't stick you as the humming type."

Huh.

* * *

It was two in the morning and Jensen wanted to bash his head multiple times into the wall. Once again, the song that Koller had made him listen to was playing involuntarily in his head. Normally he could ignore such a thing, but for some reason he just  _couldn't._ He probably looked like a madman, laying on his back and staring up up at his ceiling with squinted eyes. Jensen groaned, dragging his hands down his face. He really didn't need this right now. On the off chance he fell asleep right then, he would have to be up in two hours from then to get ready for a briefing at headquarters. He was used to running on a couple hours of sleep, but it would be hard to stay awake when he would just be sitting and listening to Miller go on about  _something._ _Whatever,_ he thought. Might as well get up and get ahead. 

While he showered he thought of dark curls and augmented hands, oddly making him feel more at ease.

* * *

Normally he would listen attentively when Koller starting talking about his work, but today he had a hard time keeping his eyes open. They had already finished with Jensen's check up and seeing how he didn't have anywhere to be he decided to stay for a bit and keep Koller company. When Vaclav wasn't looking, he would let his head loll a bit and close his eyes, but only for a moment. He would soon snap back to attention, watching Koller move about with heavy eyes. However, when he closed his eyes again he did it for a moment too long, feeling a cold metal hand against his cheek. His eyes snapped open, seeing the Vaclav looking down at him concerned. 

"You ok, man?" Koller asked. "I'm not boring you, am I?"

Jensen slightly shook his head, leaning into Koller's touch. "No..." He said groggily. 

Koller offered him a gentle smile, running his thumb over Jensen's cheekbone. "Boss man working you to the bone?"

Jensen could only nod, his eyes feeling heavy again. He heard Koller chuckle, the hand on his cheek moving to pat his shoulder. "Sounds rough. You can crash here for a little bit, if you want."

Jensen shook his head again, lolling to the side as he did. "No, it;s fine. I'll just head back to my place."

"No offence, Jensen." said Koller. "But with the way you're looking, I'm worried you might face plant cobblestone before you make it back. Here..." Koller offered Jensen his hand, Adam taking it without protest. When he was pulled up Jensen found himself leaning against Koller's form, his forehead pressed into Vaclav's shoulder. At first Koller didn't say anything, just became tense before gently patting Jensen's back. "I got you, big guy, don't worry." Koller wrapped an arm around his waist, leading him to the small couch at the back of the lab. The couch certainly wasn't the cleanest, but to Jensen's tired eyes it looked like a goddamn king sized tempurpedic. He practically fell out of Koller's arms, not so gracefully settling himself onto the couch. He heard Koller chuckle, once again feeling his hand patting him on the shoulder.

"I'll wake you up in an hour, yeah?" Koller asked.

Jensen nodded tiredly. "Sure."

Jensen felt one more pat before Koller's hand was slowly leaving him. Before he could walk away, however, he grabbed Koller's hand and pulled him closer.

"That video..." Jensen said in a huff.

Koller looked down at him, an eyebrow raised. "What about it?"

"What did you like about it?"

At first Koller seemed surprised before he smiled warmly down to him. He sat himself down onto the couch near Jensen's stomach, Adam moving back a little so that he would be comfortable.

"Well, to be honest I'm not sure." Koller said, gently rubbing Jensen's shoulder. "I think the best thing about is that someone, whoever they may be, came up with the idea and instead of letting it disappear they made something out of it. Plus the idea of being petty isn't considered a good thing, even though most people are, but the video actually makes pettiness kind of funny."

"Are you petty?" Jensen asked, leaning into Koller.

"Oh yeah, totally." Koller answered. "I'm just good at hiding it."

Koller winked down at Jensen, making Jensen laugh a little. He stopped laughing, however, when he felt Koller place a soft kiss on his forehead. He looked up to Koller, seeing a slight blush dusting his cheeks.

"Get some rest, knucklehead. Believe it or not, some people actually worry about you."

Jensen could only nod, the place where Koller had kissed him feeling tingly. Vaclav stood, offering him one more smile before turning and going back to his work. Jensen sighed, closing his eyes and listening to the sounds of the shop. When he heard Koller humming he himself smiled, letting the soft sound lull him to sleep.

Heh, cute.  

**Author's Note:**

> I REGRET NOTHING!


End file.
